Here are 5 steps to deal with grief after divorce
Here are 5 steps to deal with grief after divorce
Before you move forward after divorce, here are some things you need to keep in mind.
1. Denial
This is usually during the first week. During this phase, you don’t believe you’re divorced.
2. Anger
During this phase, you get mad or angry at yourself for believing the lies your ex told you.
3. Bargaining
You begin to think that you can bargain or beg your way back into the marriage. You might try to beg or argue with your higher power or convince your family or friends to talk to your ex on your behalf.
4. Depression
This is the stage whereby you feel miserable and hopeless. You see the word “love” as a means to shed tears and be buried in thoughts.
This stage is usually within 1-2 months after the divorce. You might find it challenging to cope with depression and stay motivated and happy.
5. Acceptance
This is the last stage of grieving a loss. This is the stage you feel nothing can be done to bring your ex back, and you accept the reality of things for what they indeed are.
This is when you start thinking about how do you move on after divorce.
Tips to move on after divorce
Below are some of the ways to get over a divorce. These tips to move on from divorce can help you get back to normalcy and move towards a bright future.
1. Mourn
You would take some time to mourn a relationship you thought would last a lifetime. A divorce represents personal loss, and that kind of hurt takes time to heal.
You may take time to analyze what went wrong, what you did, and what you didn’t do.
Take your time but don’t be harsh on yourself. Remember that emptiness you feel right now is because something ended. There may be space in your heart, but it’s for your betterment.
Divorce can be likened to losing someone dear to you to death.
Divorce means your ex doesn’t exist in your life anymore. When you lose someone, you will experience some grief. So, for moving on after a divorce, you need to get over your grief.
Related Reading: The 5 Stages of Grief: Divorce, Separation & Breakups
2. Let go
Don’t be surprised. This is the first point for moving on after divorce.
I have been in your shoes before, and believe me, and there is still something about your partner attached to you. Letting go after a divorce is going to consume a lot of energy.
The bitterness your ex-partner caused will be very hard to forget, but still, you have to let it all go.
Holding on to the past won’t allow you to see the good things ahead of you.
I am sure that thinking about them repeatedly will not change the fact that you’re divorced.
Acknowledge your inner feelings, learn from your past experiences, and gear yourself up for the next phase of life. Yes, you can have a beautiful life after divorce.
Learn to let it all go! Just let it go
3. Get a hobby
I know the pain of going through days and nights without anyone to talk to. I understand the agony of waking up to no one by your side. The only way to get over this pain is to get yourself a distraction.
Yes, the best way to get over a divorce is by occupying yourself with something constructive. You can take piano lessons, make weaves, opt-in for a course or something to keep you busy and keep your mind off your ex-partner.
4. Cut off communication
After getting out of an unhealthy marriage or a toxic relationship with a narcissist, there are tendencies that your ex might still want to play mind games on you.
The best way to avoid falling into your ex-emotional trap is to cut off any form of communication.
For moving past divorce, block them off your social media accounts, try to delete their emails and chats, and avoid running into them in public because you might get intimated to stir up something again (which is what you don’t need now).
Although it seems harsh, cutting all forms of communication is the best way for both of you to heal and move forward after divorce.
Also, it allows you to focus on your personal needs and the anguishing process without getting drawn into quarrels, jealousy, or chaotic conversations.
5. Learn to love again
This is the final step when it comes to moving on after divorce.
As discussed previously, moving on after divorce is going to be very difficult. You will have many memories, both good and bad, to torment you now and then.
But, to forget the past, you must accept reality and embrace the future. As humans, there will be setbacks, and the only way to move forward is to take a step into the future.
You need to keep your balance in life by moving forward and giving someone else a chance to love you.
6. Seek therapy
If you think you cannot move on after divorce, you should seek help from a professional who can resolve your emotional issues and help you get over your divorce.
Tips for men to move on after divorce
Here are some tips to move on after divorce as a man. These tips will help you navigate the road to recovery.
1. Forgive yourself
Believe that you are a constantly growing human being and are still learning from your mistakes. Don’t let the divorce reflect as a failure in your life.
Remember that you are just human. Life after divorce can be upsetting and can lead you to believe that you are responsible for it.
It would help if you knew that it doesn’t matter what you did or how you did it, things were already heading towards an end, and there is nothing you could do.
2. Take care of yourself
People like to jump into a new relationship as soon as they feel alone and don’t take time to process the loss.
Please take some time to restore your emotional vulnerability and then jump into the pool of dating.
Take care of yourself mentally and emotionally before you make a new connection.
3. Count little victories
This may sound overrated, but try setting a goal for every day, and you will realize that your focus will shift from moving on after divorce to living each day as a new day.
Completing that goal will fill you up with a sense of achievement and help you move forward after divorce.
4. Discover the new you
Something might have changed, and there must be things you have outgrown over time and things that you have adapted recently.
Figure out who the new you are and get to know yourself better. You can change your lifestyle according to this new you. You can change your haircut or get a new tattoo.
Whatever makes you happy, just do (just don’t do unnecessary things).
5. Don’t bring kids into the divorce
One of the most important tips to move on after divorce as a man is to make sure that your kids stay unaffected.
It would help if you knew that divorce would change your kids’ life completely, and it is better to keep them away from all the drama.
6. Embrace new responsibilities
Most people find themselves stuck wondering what to do after divorce or how to move on after divorce. The best thing you can try while moving on after divorce is getting used to the responsibilities you were not taking care of while married.
You and your spouse lived together for a long time, and you may have managed specific aspects of life while your partner managed others. Now you have to handle all the responsibilities by yourself.
It’s best to focus on managing everything as it will give you a learning opportunity and boost your confidence.
7. Don’t cut off relationships
People recovering from divorce or trying to build a life after divorce don’t appreciate their other relationships. While moving past divorce, people feel low and empty. They stop socializing and cut off from people who care for them.
Suppose you have to force yourself to be involved with people and focus on all the good relationships you have in life. These people will help you rebuild yourself and grow as a person.
These relationships will only teach you how to let go after divorce.
Tips to move on after divorce for women
If you wonder how to move on after divorce, here are some tips that can make it easier for you to recover.
1. Get in touch with your older self
Life changes a lot after marriage. You suddenly have to consider everything as a couple, and while you want to give your personal choice a preference, you end up making many choices according to your partner.
With time you forget things you used to do when you were single. Moving on after divorce can be a great way to get in touch with your older self and rejoice in everything you loved and forgot over the years.
Instead of thinking about what bad comes with divorce, focus on making yourself content and moving forward.
2. Make yourself feel special every day
It’s common to grieve after divorce but don’t forget yourself because of a past relationship. Make sure that you make yourself feel special every day, even if it is only for 5 or 10 minutes.
Doing so will help you focus on your life and help you move on in life. It will take your mind off the stress.
Just do something that makes you happy, and you will feel a little better every day.
3. Take care of your energies
Don’t let a traumatic experience change you into a negative person. Keep your energies and thoughts in check.
Your emotions can be all over the place, and you may feel stuck, stressed, frightened, and scared, but don’t all these feelings overwhelm you. Focus on the positive things in your life and also on building a positive future for yourself.
If you ever feel low and sad, just shift your focus to the things you are thankful for in your life, and you will realize not everything is lost, and you can build a good life after divorce.
4. Be genuine in your life
The best way to get over a divorce is to stay connected with your inner self and know where you stand on the road to recovery. Some people just say that they are dealing with it perfectly, and it doesn’t affect them.
